Change of season?

Or something else? I don't know quite what it is, but I tell you, I'm flat as a flat thing. Flat. Emotionally not present. Divorced from myself, my body, my senses, my mind, the whole shebang. I guess it's partly that end-of-season, darkness that comes at the end of winter. A touch of SAD. Though it was snowballed and exacerbated by my child. Acting like an emotional vampire, he has been demanding, manipulative and greedy. Selfish and wanting. Most sentences starting with 'Can I', 'I would like', 'Could I', or another of his stock phrases. He inserts the thing he'd like, into the conversation. For example, starting a conversation about how much he enjoys energy drinks. (He's had a sip of about three, and had one whilst on a weekend away.) Marketing has done it's wonderful job on him, despite me telling him that energy drinks are Raro with added sugar and caffeine. Or he'll start talking about biscuits, or whatever the fuck it is the greedy little bugger wants.

It's very draining, doing it solo. Yes, my choice, which my judgemental family of origin continue to point out to me, and they are fond of pointing out how much of a loser I am, because I don't have a male around. I'd rather have a man, than a cock with feet, hence my solo-hood. I'd rather be alone than have him modelling himself after someone who isn't worthwhile. I would rather be alone, than take up with somebody just to have someone to snore next to.

Back to that boy. His selfish demands culminated in me telling him that I was unplugging from him for the next wee while - until Sunday night. I'm not cooking for him, cleaning up, or anything. I'm still hugging him and loving him and kissing him etc. Just not telling him when to go to bed, plugging in at any time. He has to get his own food, do his own washing, and see how the fuck he likes it, doing it for himself. I cannot ABIDE being taken for granted, and this is a way to see how he feels looking after himself. I'm reading, knitting and just taking care of myself, while he gets a glimpse of life in the real world.

Amazing