Saturday afternoon

and the sun is shining. Supposed to be a wild weekend, weather-wise. Yeah, right!

There's been so much over the last few days; kid-fuckers, recidivists all. Wanting therapy. Bullet therapy is all that will work for them. Honestly. When a kid-fucker gets caught, it's reported as 'their first offence' when in reality, it should read 'their first time getting caught'. Because researchers have determined that, on average, kid-fuckers have offended 35-70 times previously. ON AVERAGE.

They don't want to change. They don't want to stop. I can make that happen. Oh, if only the job I wanted existed! :)

Corruption and ugliness on the wider stage - look at that blue-eyed killer in Norway. Before they knew FUCK ALL, they decided it was Muslims. Muslim extremists. Now, y'all know my feelings towards organised religion (keep your sky fairy to yourself, especially the flavour that allows paedos in dresses and dog collars kiddy-fiddling then denying it) and it's ilk. Be a Christian/Muslim/Buddhist on your own time. What this means, is KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

The best religious friends I have (yeah, I have sky fairy worshippers as friends, you know how it is) SHOW ME. They don't sit around wanking endlessly about their sky fairy. They DEMONSTRATE their faith by daily living. I'm not interested in what your mouth tells me. It's what your actions tell me that count.

I don't like Islam's stand on feminism, or their hatred of women. (Disguised as caring; yeah, right!)

I'm not impressed by their extreme fanatics. Ditto the Phelps family in USA. Somebody please bomb those idiots. They're happy breeding ugliness and hatred, yet when challenged, say 'your momma raised you for the Devil.' Uh, no, she didn't. Rupert Murdoch is nowhere near me!

I don't like the fact women can't drive in Saudi Arabia.

Female circumcision is just wrong.

Male privilege, disguised as religion, just makes me want to puke.

Yet. And yet. And yet, the news reporting of the Norway killer was risible, disgusting and wrong.

Amazing

Power and control...

what is it with these males? I use the word males, to differentiate them from men. The idiots that think of women as their property, and consequently able to do what the fuck they want, ie take them hostage, threaten them, beat them, stalk them, sexually and emotionally abuse them, psychologically torture them. What's with that?

They have power, but no control. One must first master oneself (or be seeking to) before trying to even think about controlling another human. And it's futile. They can control our bodies, they cannot control our minds, our spirits, our selves.

As long as women are regarded as property, rather than people in our own right, this will continue to happen. From unrealistic images in magazines (small fry) to women being unable to drive in Saudi Arabia (big issue), it's all important. And needs to change. Male privilege. Might is right. It's all crap! We are not merely repositories for male sexual desire. We are people. Oh, yes, we are people.

Amazing

Out with the old...

in with the new. Nature abhors a vacuum, they say, and I have found this to be true. I have had to clear out an abusive, mentally ill bullshit artist from my life, and once I let them go, I found a new friend in the making. I'll be more careful this time, though!

It's about boundaries and their lack; the loser I let go has none! Over 40, she's happy lusting after 18 year old schoolboys on Skype, engaging in inappropriate behaviour with them online, and arranging to meet them in 'the school holidays'. Yeah, I thought so too, so I fronted her, told her I was uncomfortable with her being in contact with a schoolboy ("HE contacted ME" was the first reaction) and that it made her a paedophile in my eyes. Yeah, I'm a bit coy about speaking out, me.

It went down like a turd in a fruit salad. Can't think why ;) 

Boundaries. What IS and IS NOT acceptable. I have a very hard line on some things, but you know what? If you don't stand for something, you'll stand for anything.

Amazing

A wonderful day

we had with all our friends and family around. I do Sunday Lunch for the boy's birthday (the closest Sunday to his actual day) and let him see our community. There were four blood family there, and I could have done without one of them, bless. Belligerent alcoholism on display from one family member, such a shame. For them.

Otherwise, it was wonderful! I reiterated to my son that these are our people, this is our community, and this is who we are. Minus that drunken arsehole in the corner ;)

They won't be back next year, related or not. My family are the people who love and care for us; simply coming out of the same uterus just is not good enough.

Amazing

One more sleep

and it's the boy's birthday. I still remember his birth, and break into a sweat when I think of it. We were 10 minutes away from dying, he came out the sunroof ;)

When I think back to how hard carrying him was, my time of labour (they don't call it work for nothing) that lasted from Wednesday afternoon until Saturday morning, I know there's only one child in me, and here he is. It took them nearly three days to kill me, and if it wasn't for my tipuna, we would both have been buried in a cold, unforgiving country on the other side of the world. Yet they prevailed, and we lived.

My light, my heart, my taonga.

Amazing

Home D for child porn

is the norm in NZ. And some wonder why children aren't regarded as taonga, precious, amazing gifts. They're prey. And normalising it, keeping these types of cock in the community just send the message that it's ok. The reason for suppression in the latest case is that it would harm the paedophile's family. Why the fuck they would want to know this piece of shit after finding child rape images on his computer is beyond me. This is a prime example of a candidate for bullet therapy.

They're children, they don't vote, so fuck them and rape them and film it all, share it with your mates. It's ok, because we're in NZ.

The walk of shame

Went to see WINZ today. I call it 'The Walk of Shame' for obvious reasons. Did a budget to show them I'm living beyond my means and can't afford to raise a child on what the DPB is. I believe I'm a conscious parent, seeking to change the script for my child - I came from Once Were Warriors Street and want something more for him. Next time I ask for help I'll have to go to their budgeting advisor for a lecture. As if I don't know where the money goes.

I got a food grant, this time, which means I can pay the bills and have some money for the boy's birthday. The budget they wrote out takes no account of karate, guitar lessons, football, clothes, shoes, entertainment etc. None of those things were put in, and we are still behind. Small wonder people who don't know how to cook and plan are fucked, living on the bottom, and sinking.

Amazing

Monday,

the first Monday of the holidays. Being a stay-at-home mum makes it challenging with just one at home. It's important for him to realise I'm not is entertainment system, at his beck and call every minute of every day. Hard to implement. Monday is my housework day, purging and getting things shipshape for the week. I also have to remember that he *is* on holiday, and needs some light relief *smile*.

Not easy being the son of a person who enjoys poor mental health. Sad, but true. He does very well indeed, and I have to remember so many things, while I'm trying to get the house sorted, that it's my holiday too, from the routine of waking up every morning, getting him off to school etc etc. So. We had our first lie-in today, and am planning a walk on the beach for this arvo. Life in the fast lane, eh?

Amazing

Friday Friday Friday!

Going to have a go at making 'Sussex Pond Pudding' this weekend. Sounds delicious, and I saw Raymond Blanc make it while I was channel-hopping. Going to cancel our subscription to Sky (we have a very basic package for the winter months) and stop feeding into Murdoch's empire. If we can. Who the fuck does he own? Who the fuck *doesn't* he own?

Read an article on the Guardian website about how some demented MP there (Nadine Dorries) is trying to turn the clock back on abortion rights - I am eternally grateful I have the choice. She's seeking to remove the independent counselling already in place, and replace it with the sky fairy worshippers. How to have an abortion with a side order of shame. NO THANK YOU.

This piece of shit also thinks teenage girls should just 'say no' to their boyfriends, turning the whole process of relationships into hunter and hunted. 

She also advocates children wouldn't be sexually abused if they just learned to say 'no' to their abusers.

I tried it, you know. And guess what? A 35 year old cock with feet is just a tiny bit more powerful than a 5 year old girl. Just a tiny bit, and I should have tried harder, but hey, I should have said 'NO' in a big voice! That's not including the pre-speech abusers, because I couldn't have said no to him taking my nappy off, because I couldn't speak.

If it wasn't so tragic, it'd be a script for Comedy Central.

Nadine Dorris - deluded fuckwit. I wish nothing but ill for her.

Amazing

The korowai fell off

Harawira, and he ought to have known then that his tipuna weren't backing him and his mumbo jumbo. Because as he walked out of the House, reading and chanting HIS version of how he thought things should be, he looked like a mad ranter.

I get tired of him having it both ways. He lives in the white man's house, wears the white man's clothes, enjoys the white man's innovations (clothes, KFC, technology, cars, electricity, running water, etc etc) and slams whitey at every turn for not doing enough for tangata whenua. I find it offensive. How come the Maori moving to Australia and living there never complain about being hard done by? About figuring in the negative societal statistics? It's that handout mentality that gets me.

I find his racism offensive.

I must sound so boring...

commenting on what's going on here and there. I have to say, I am a little tired of Harawira and his sideshow. I'm pig fucken sick of it, actually. Self-aggrandising megalomaniac.

I won't get started on my take on things. It could offend many, many people. :)

Amazing

Harry Potter - final chapter, midnight screening

Took the boy to the final instalment. We've been to every Potter film together, the minute it came out. So, at 12.01am this morning, there we were, sitting in the darkened theatre (nearly full), watching the boy wizard save the day for the last time.

Brilliant!

Shane Stoneham - another kid-fucker

found alone with a 13 year old girl. Whilst being intensively supervised.

As long as women and girls are looked at as prey, nothing will change. She lied to him about her age. As if he didn't know she was a minor. And until the sexualisation of our society stops, this will continue to happen. Oh, right, it's only girls and women. Who cares? We're killed, raped, battered, sexually assaulted as a matter of course. 60 million schoolgirls worldwide are sexually assaulted each year on the way to school. If it was important to change it, it wouldn't happen.

Praise for piss freak Frances Stubbs who killed

Drunk driver Frances Stubbs was 20 when she breath tested positive then drove away from a police checkpoint, killing an innocent. She got home D and community service, and finally fronted up to give a speech with gory pics of the cars after she killed Penelope Philips.

Ah, alcohol, King of NZ. It's how we 'relax', how we 'socialise', how we 'relate' to each other. This is just not enough, home D and community service for murder.

Yet on stuff.co.nz today, here's the link, she got praised for admitting to a bunch of kids she was a killer.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5272058/Drunk-driver-praised-for-gutsy-speech-to-college-students

This idiot wouldn't have HAD to give the speech if she wasn't a piss freak.

Risible!

Adam Turner - home D considered for strangling his ex

What a piece of shit! Nothing like treating your ex like your property, eh? I call this male privilege. As long as women are regarded as mere repositories for male desire, for male ideas, and not people in our own right, this will continue to happen.

He found his ex with another man (unfortunately his flatmate, but seriously, it could have been anybody), and 'lost it'. Kicking the man with steel-capped boots on, he then grabbed his ex around the throat and proceeded to strangle her. No control issues here, then.

The judge is considering home detention. This is execrable. But hey, it's only a woman. As long as we're the nigger of the world, as John Lennon sang about, nothing will change.

Amazing

The storm

that just won't let go! Had a reprieve this morning, and I went for a walk. It's interesting, when these interludes occur, that the beach is wild and windswept, but not un-doable. I walked along Tangaroa's edge, talking to my Lord while his brother tried to whip my hat off. I don't have a scarf he can tease me with anymore - I invented the necky to foil him! It's a muff, actually. I knit a rectangle of fluffy wool (it traps loads and loads of air and keeps you warm) and sew it together, to form a tube. It protects that triangle that never gets covered by scarves. It also stops the ends being whipped out and getting tangled by the playful wind.

Exercise is the key to my continued good mental health. It's precarious some days, and I have to redouble my efforts when I don't feel like doing anything. And to be gentle with myself, when I don't quite make it. Plus, I get to feel virtuous for the rest of the day!

Amazing

Trained

tonight, and thank fuck for that! :) It alters my brain chemistry, and keeps me on the right side of who I am.

If that makes sense. Had to do my kata in front of everyone tonight (everyone had to), and I feel incredibly self-conscious. Even though these are people I've trained with for two years, who aren't judging me, who aren't thinking anything but the best for me.

I still feel like a freak! I managed, though, and only had one glitch, so that's something. I know I need to train to stay right side up. Also, I got my first comment today. I have to say, I was stoked. Stoked that somebody read something I wrote! I sound just like a kid LOL.

It has been so liberating, this blog, and I've only just started; part of me just sits and writes, then hits 'post' and it's off out there, into the ether. Part of me agonises (only for a nano-second) that I ought not be so angry, so outraged, so... so! Ah, fuck it, here I am, like it is. And if you don't like it, you don't have to read, eh?

Amazing

Thank goodness there's training tonight

because I spent the weekend indoors, making delicious food and then eating it! Made creme brulee (burnt cream lol) for the first time (though I suspect it won't be the last haha) and it turned out beautiful! I fired the sugar on top, and we had it for lunch. Indulgent all right!

And what else to do with those leftover egg whites? Pavlova for Sunday pud. And I wonder why I'm fat? Ha ha, no I don't. I enjoy my life, of which cooking is a big part. I love cooking for my son; being a stay at home mum has its upsides, for sure. We do without a whole heap of other stuff that I guess working parents and their kids have (yearly holidays away, new clothes, salon haircuts, gym membership? I don't know). It makes us very inventive, and I spend all my money on food, pretty much. We pay the bills, get a bit of petrol, then I spend on food. Good food. Consequently, we're never sick.

When I worked full-time, I devoted one day to cooking, and filled the tins and freezer with our food. It can be done, and yeah, I cheat sometimes with scrambled eggs for tea, etc. Not often though. It's what you're prepared to do, I suppose.

Amazing

Hilarious...

Prison guard caught smuggling drugs into prison. This is what annoyed him:

'... Jensen said he was angry with himself for getting caught, but "more angry with him [the prisoner] for narking on me"....'

Annoyed he got caught! This is typical of the 'it wasn't me' attitude here. Shift blame, poor me. Send him to prison, see how he likes it!

Bullet therapy

would be the easiest, most effective way to stop kid fuckers, recidivist paedophiles. It's cheap, has a 100% guaranteed success rate. I say this, because of the story that ran this morning:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5264564/Chemicals-don-t-always-stop-sex-offenders

What a waste of time and money! Kia Marama is the sex offender's programme here, and it's cost compared to bullet therapy is staggering. Wasting all that money on animals that need putting down because of their aberrant ways, instead of funding, say, schools or hospitals.

'... Holdem's lawyer said he was concerned there were no other appropriate treatments left for his client. ...'

 Yes there is. Bullet therapy.

Alan David Moncreif-Wright - another kid-fucker

This piece of crap is 70 now and will face 12 months of home D for molesting three vulnerable boys at Epuni Boy's Home when he was working there. And pay them each $5,000 compensation.

Bullet therapy. Works every time. I'd be happy to perform this social service, for a reasonable fee.

Ah, the psychopath in me would rejoice if I were to have such a job.

Amazing.

Gambling in supermarkets - Todd Mcleay's plan for us

Well, why not? Our two biggest binge items (piss and smokes) are readily available, as if they're a necessity of life, right alongside milk, bread, rice, veg. Let another devastating thing be sold 'conveniently' in supermarkets. At present, to buy lottery tickets and 'scratch and win' tickets, you have to visit a separate counter in the supermarket. Yet, if the New Zealand Lotteries Commission get their way, you'll be able to gamble right along buying the staples. Wine and beer? Check. Cigarettes and tobacco? Check. Lotto and scratchies? Check.

Food? Veg? What the fuck are they?

'...(Head of the Lotteries Commission Todd) McLeay said the commission wants to encourage the 86% of New Zealanders who play the lottery to spend more.

"We know many of them have intentions to buy but for various reasons they don't get round to it. If we can improve the convenience of purchase then we'll go some of the way to helping attract them to play more frequently." ...'

What a piece of shit he sounds!

And they're pushing for online sales too. Make it convenient to lose all your money, in one handy transaction. Way to go, NZ Lotteries!

I heard a comedian say once that 'Lotto is the government tax for people who are no good at maths.'

Amazing.

Keith Paora Curry - child groomer

Yes, I'll name and shame the paedo arsewipes who prey on children. A Plunket nurse. Thank fuck he's had his registration cancelled. Was found to have created a profile as an 18 year old to groom two underage girls.

Filthy predator. Bullet therapy.

What a piece of shit

this farmer is. Pressured an intellectually disabled man into signing an affidavit that he was driving the car he sped off from police in, instead of said farmer.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5260707/Custody-a-shock-to-reckless-farmer

Showed no remorse, couldn't give a fuck, actually. And he gets home D. 

Risible!

Fitness

in our household has waned with the winter months... hard to get out and walk, or do something. Easy excuse, I know. It's just so easy to stay in and knit!

I hope Brooks goes in the hacking scandal. Now it seems they've deleted emails from 2005 to date. Murdoch - let's not forget the Posilac milk scandal that two Fox reporters blew the whistle on. And got fired for.

That old freak said, in effect 'I've just paid 3 billion for this network. I fucking TELL YOU what the news is.'

Money talks, eh?

King of NZ. As usual

What the fuck is up with this privileged tart? Does she think she's the Queen or something?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5256222/Drink-drive-lawyer-Beacham-avoids-court

Put the recidivist bitch in jail. Teach her some manners, perhaps? Another piss freak, trying to explain herself away. Well, not even appearing to explain herself. Wake me up.

I wish

that Brooks would be fired. As if she didn't know her reporters were hacking into people's phones and mail. Yeah, right!

Guess that bitch must know where the bodies are. Or she can suck a golf ball through a hose, and likes old man cock. (old Murdoch.) It's inconceivable that the paper will be investigating itself, just as the Met is going to investigate itself. Check the Grauniad's cartoon - there's a polismale with a baton, looking in a mirror, asking what's been going on.

If it wasn't so disgusting, it'd be funny. Who guards the guards?

As for Brooks's links to 'call me Dave' Cameron (neighbours, married one of his toff pals), she must have dirt on HIM too. A sad affair all round - as for Murdoch's closure of that piece of shit paper, what a cynical, well-managed piece of fluff. As if there were any alternative; hoping it will be a sop?

What a pity

Saleh, Yemen's president, didn't die in the recent attempt on his life. This is the fuckwit who rules a country where 9 is the correct age for girls to be forced into marriage. Oh, the Sky Fairy, we must do as HE says.... can't help thinking the country is a paedo heaven. The practice is to have a child bride 'fostered' in her in-law family until she is of age.

The reality is that these young girls are tied down and raped by said 'husband' who obviously consider it their right. How many bleed to death from internal injuries? We hear of very few. Like the iceberg, it's the tip we see. That this is ok tells me equality is a myth we tell our daughters so they don't kill themselves. I'm lucky to live in NZ where I can say this, where I have unimaginable freedoms. We were, after all, the first country in the world to give women the vote.

And now Thompson has gone (the execrable piece of shit who said women get paid less because they have 'monthly sick problems', instead of placing the blame on the overall lack of equality we suffer in the world) from the Employer's Federation, perhaps we'll move forward with addressing pay equity? We have had legislation in place since 1974 that guarantees equal pay for equal work, regardless of gender. Yet women are STILL paid, on average, 12% less than males in NZ, simply for being women.

If that ain't woman hatred, I don't know what is.

Let him starve, I say

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5248439/Convicted-rapist-on-hunger-strike

Hard to feel sympathy for a male who rapes disabled people. So I don't. ;)

I would rather bullet therapy for kid-fuckers, paedo priests, recidivist rapists. It has a 100% effective success rate; they NEVER re-offend. And it's estimated that when a kid-fucker is caught (if they're caught), on average, they have offended 35-70 times previously. Yet the newspapers and online websites continue to report it as 'it was their first offence'. NO. It was the first time THEY GOT CAUGHT.

We have a sexual offender's therapy programme here. I'd be horrified to know how much it costs per kid-fucker, because bullets are so cheap.

Bullet therapy. Simple, cost-effective, and do you know what? I'd be able to sleep at night. Perhaps that's the psychopath peeking out at you.

Amazing

What's up with this?

Two males were convicted of bashing a transvestive to death and the younger one has had his sentence reduced.

'...They (the judges) said Galloway was highly intoxicated at the time, had no hate crime history, was sexually abused as a child and had acted properly around a transvestite in prison. ...' 

Oh, well, that's all right then. He was pissed. And says he was sexually abused. Heck, with my background, I'd be given a medal if I were to rampage! It beggars belief that they could take intoxication into account, but hey, this is NZ, the KING of piss. It's so protected, and the liquour lobby have the politicians in their pockets, so what chance reform? There's a general election this year and it's a brave politician indeed who would raise it.

They're happy to introduce and table welfare reforms, yet everyone's howling at the Capital Gains Tax that's been mooted by the opposition. I think it's worth a look - look at the level of white collar crime that gets home D, and how many companies actively avoid tax and rip the system. I'm not against people getting ahead. But how many fucken houses do you need? If you have more than two, I'd say you have more than enough. Try watching 'The Edukators'.

CGT hasn't made anywhere it's currently in, fall into the sea. It's the rich protecting the rich, to deny it coming in.

Feeling better today

though not by much. Perdurabo. It means 'I shall endure'. And this is just a blip. Compared to what I've lived through, this is no biggie. Felt a bit of a fool this morning; lying in bed, waiting for the alarm to sound, drifting in and out of that half-awake, half-asleep moment. I hadn't set my alarm at all! It wasn't until the boy came in, asking if I were planning to get up that I realised!

Finished a grand story today, 'New York' by Edward Rutherfurd. I have his 'London' and 'The New Forest' books; whilst stories, they are meticulously researched and beautifully written in a smooth, easy style that draws you along. It's hard to read just one chapter at a time!

Amazing

Can't sleep

so I'll post before I go and try again. At least lying down will rehydrate my spine. When I get there.

Went out tonight to a quiz. I have one sitter, a lad I train with at karate. I dropped my son off to the dojo halfway through class. It's not ideal, but when you're single, you take whatever help you can get. I am fortunate in my friend, because he babysits for me for the price of dinner. So yeah, great I'm a good cook, and when I can afford it, I buy him a takeaway, a magazine, or something karate-related. I don't have THAT many friends that I can drop my boy to; I'm incredibly protective and consequently my choices are limited.

I go to this quiz once a month; class is disturbed once a month by me dropping my son to the dojo. However, Sensei asked my sitter tonight to tell me not to do that again, and I'm sure I'll be getting a phone call tomorrow to say that I cannot do it any more. He said to my sitter that 'this is not a childcare centre' and yes, he's right. Yes, it's a dojo, and yes, I interrupt the class.

I suppose the other women who train have support, partners, friends, more money? I don't know, and at the moment I don't give a flying fuck. I'm just under so much pressure financially, that I cannot pay for someone to mind my child while I train, or when I go out once a month. I try and swap childcare favours with friends, but who wants to sit for an hour and a half, twice a week, around dinnertime? Yeah, right. And now this avenue is closed to me. So I guess I can only train without having my child in the dojo. Which means I won't be training as much. Which will impact on my physical well being, and destroy my mental well being. Well, it'll sure as shit set me back.

What is even more gutting is that because of football season, my child's training clashes with my Wednesday night class... family comes first, so I have sacrificed one night of training a week for my son for the duration of football season. And there goes my one night out a month too.

No pressure!

Midweek

rocks around and I'm starting the countdown to my child's birthday later this month. We have a Sunday lunch as close to the day as we can, and do something special on the day itself. He chooses what he'd like for his birthday menu. Here's this year's:

Lasagne

Chop suey (Island style!)

Toxic sludge (my own invention of chocolate, caramel gooiness- it's name gives fair warning)

Chicken and salad

Build your own ice cream

Birthday cake

I need a job. Something to keep my grey matter ticking over, working, functioning. This is partly why I started a blog, to get my thoughts out, comment on life in general, and some things in particular, and to keep myself from spiralling into insensibility.

Easier said than done!

Amazing.

The blanket

Here's a pic of the blanket I knitted. I crocheted it together with 8 ply black wool; I think the borders look great! Onto the next one. I feel like Madame Defarge, knitting at the guillotine. If only! I find the action of knitting soothing, and is incredibly helpful for those of us with OCDs combined with a bit of ADD.

Hope you enjoy the pic, if I can post it.

Amazing

King of NZ - alcohol! Taking the piss....

Or, in this case, pissing all over your fellow passengers on a flight to Singapore, due to being drunk. Step forward, Michael Aitken. His mother coaches the Silver Ferns, and in a news story she said TWICE that he couldn't remember the incident.

Yay, piss! It's the King of NZ all right. It's a defence to anything - just read the crime pages of any newspaper, and you'll find alcohol implicated in most crimes here. Yet, when there's any talk about decriminalisation or regulation of other substances, the piss lobby swings into action, and nothing is done.

How could we shoot our sacred cow? It's how most Kiwis 'relax' after a day of work, as if it's normal to down alcohol every day. Fuck me, the level of denial is astounding.

Amazing

Loneliness

strikes, and what does one do? It's hard to combat at times; it's important to have a great network of friends. Real friends, not the 'let's do lunch' brigade. People who are there, in spirit, in person, by text, whatever form is needed. And it's important for me to take responsibility for my own life, my own happiness, and my own well-being. I have to reach out when I'm feeling lonely - my friends don't necessarily know, they're not psychic!

Bloody awesome, they are, but not psychic. And at times, my isolation is self-imposed, and it's my responsibility to break out of it. I don't manage it all the time, every time, yet it gets easier. Simply telling a friend I'm lonely removes it.

Amazing.

Monday Monday

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The museum

where I volunteer is a bijou affair. Small, yet perfectly formed, it houses a 'slice of life' historical view, as well as a few 'important' and 'museum-y' type exhibits. I love the school room and kitchen paraphernalia; things my aunts used to own. The rules for teachers are hilarious too - here's a couple:

You are not to loiter downtown in ice cream parlours.

You are not to marry during your tenure.

You must always wear at least two petticoats.

A couple of young women visited one day, and didn't even know what petticoats were! How times have changed. The building that houses our museum used to be the old Post Office; a school group that visited couldn't get used to the idea that people had to book an appointment with the Postmaster or Postmistress to make a phone call, let alone telegrams being the speediest form of communication. It's a wonderful reminder for me to take the time and slow down; enjoy the journey, not the destination. We all know where we end up :)

Amazing

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5206087/Stepfather-jailed-for-indecencies

Here's another thing that I loathe with every fibre of my being. Kid-fuckers. Molesters. Rapists. Paedophile priests. This cock on feet was molesting his stepdaughter after a bad workplace accident. Yeah, that's a viable defence, eh? I suffered an injury, so immediately felt like molesting an 8 year old child. Makes me feel like a REAL man....

Only in NZ. Piss is our key defence for most things, and kid-fucking is no exception. There is something pretty wrong in our culture, our country. Hard to swim against the tide, yet I do.

Engaged to myself

Yeah, I'm engaged. To myself. Who better to commit to, for the rest of my life? It sounds trite, yet I did do it. I had a little ceremony and wear a ring. Just not on the 'standard' finger of other engaged couples. There is so little to celebrate in a woman's life, in this world we live in... go on, have a think. How many days celebrate just being a woman? Yeah, NONE.

There's a wedding day - your sole focus, as you join an outdated institution of societal pressure. For everyone who married for love, good for you, and I hope it lasted. Lots of marriages are based on economics, loneliness, societal expectations. And everyone's really talking about the food! Yes, yes, the bride and what she's made the bridesmaids wear to make her own dress even lovelier get talked about, but truly? It's the food people talk about at weddings....

What else? A new baby? How many people buy something for the mother? Yeah, mostly it's for the kid.

Valentine's Day? Hallmark and the floral industries' collusion to make you say those three little words - and hand over your money. Especially on just that day. If I want to tell my fancy man I love him, I do. I don't need a special day to do it! And it's for couples to feel smug, and singletons to feel inadequate and awkward.

International Women's Day? Merely highlights that we're still, as John Lennon so eloquently put it, 'the nigger of the world' and hardly a celebration when you read the stats: women perform 2/3 of the world's work, yet receive 10% of the profit; women own 1% of the world's property; 60 million schoolgirls are sexually assaulted every year, worldwide, on their way to school. Yay! What a celebration...

So I got engaged to myself. Had a day all to myself, treating myself well, reaffirming that I was worthy, well, and doing a great job. Who better?

Amazing

Underlying causes?

I do believe that piss is King of NZ.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10735897

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/crime/news/article.cfm?c_id=30&objectid=10735810

And this is what the defence said:

'...Emery's blood-alcohol level was 2 times over the legal youth limit.

Defence counsel Tony Balme submitted that while alcohol was involved it was not a key factor.

"It was consumed early the previous evening. This is not a situation where he had been swigging out of cans and driving."...'

The level of denial in this country *does* amuse me, because I have a very dark sense of the abusrd. Can't quite figure out how our kids are ending up smashed on the roads, macheting policemen, attacking people, suffering depression, having suicidal thoughts.... yet when they see their parents 'relaxing' every night with piss, having it form the backbone of any celebration, you wonder?

I went shopping with my child at around 6.00pm last night at our local supermarket. It was largely empty, something that I commented on. 'Oh, mum, you know everyone's out getting pissed. It's Friday.' Out of the mouths of babes, eh?

Saturday...

and the sun is shining in. Small mercies in the heart of winter. Having a quick catch up online to see what's been going on, the culture of privilege that surrounds NZ and it's shocking piss habit (read: alcoholism):

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/5216671/21st-conviction-for-disqualified-driving

It'd be hilarious if it wasn't true. The slap on the wrist for over 20 offences of drink driving. Like kid-fucking, it's a hidden crime until they're caught. Molesters abuse, on average, 35-70 times before their first capture. The stories SHOULD read: 'It was the first time we caught him with a child.' rather than 'It was his first offence.'

As for piss, this non-essential item (right along with our second biggest killer, cigarettes, another esssential) is sold at corner stores, supermarkets, as if it's something we can't live without. I *have* read somewhere that NZ has more outlets to buy piss than Australia. It's not a per capita figure, it's an outright bigger number of outlets. It's our sacred cow, our god, the elephant in the room.

As for nicotine, pah! A friend of mine in the rooms of recovery says that they call it 'the angry drug'. It suppresses unbelieveable rage. Think about it.