Feel as if I've been

unfaithful to my blog! haha, here comes spring/summer. I've been in the garden, because sure as shit we'll need that food it produces. I spend a lot of money on plant food; a good fertiliser, and a great feeder for the flowering/fruiting part of the cycle. That's where the money goes, and I buy a packet of seeds each week in the winter, here and there, in the shopping. We don't have a huge variety, just beans, peas, spinach, silverbeet (once it gets hot that bolts) lettuce and leeks.

We are just eating up the leeks from the winter; I leave them in the garden and go harvest one when we want to eat it. Easy! Leek and potato soup for tea tonight, with home made bread. I also bought an apple tree (Palmer's had them for 30 bucks last week) and a feijoa tree. Nowt from the apple for a couple of years, but hopefully we'll get something off the feijoa next year. Even a couple would be yum! I'm looking at getting a peach tree as well, because the thought of bottling my own peaches sends this foodie into paroxysms of delight! I made my own marscapone last night. It's so easy! Bloody hell, what are they charging us for? Oh, right, because they can.

Amazing

Is this

a waste of time? Would I be better to write letters to my friends, with this time I spend pouring it out here? I'm not sure, to tell you the truth.

Amazing

Monday rolls around again

and the sun is shining, I've cleared my front porch of the winter's detritus (it looked disgusting) and have been in the garden. The old Chinese proverb about being happy forever holds true for me. It's so hard though, because as a long-time self-abuser, the right thing is hard to do. I need to motivate myself, and I wasn't even in the room, let alone behind the door, when self-motivation and self-worth were being handed out. It's such a struggle to claim some for yourself.

I was lucky enough to see the moon through a huge telescope on Saturday night. Seeing volcanoes and mountains within the craters on her surface is truly awe-inspiring. Words just get in the way. I also taught yoga yesterday for the first time in two-three months. So my balance is coming back, slowly slow. 

Amazing

Another kid-fucker walks without conviction

Ah, New Zealand. Where children are prey.

I use the term 'comedian' in its loosest sense to describe this molester. Alcohol was his defence. Only in New Zealand, eh? Molest your four year old daughter. He took her night nappy off, still think he thought it was an adult? His job as a 'comedian' (clue - he's the bald half of Bill and Ben from TV3) is surely in tatters, though that Veitch piece of shit is back working on the radio after battering his ex partner.

Alcohol, male rage. It's ok, because it's New Zealand.

Amazing

Did a quiz

tonight - we won... I seem to be the repository for quite a bit of useless information. I think I may get on a tshirt 'I *am* your phone-a-friend' lol.

Wanky, I know. True, though! :) Came out of that dark place, and found it was my cave! It's important for me to remember that for next time, and if anyone is reading this, next time I get down there, please just point me to my dark posts and say the light will shine again. Because it certainly did, and does. 'The weather continues fair.'

We are going to Taupo for the first week of the school hols; we have our petrol saved, and I'm buying little extras in the shopping (tetrapack milk, extra tins of fish etc) so we will have things to eat without blowing the budget, and we can afford to go and do things (hot pools, mostly haha) while we're away. I also want to visit the prawn farm up there - if there's free samples, I'll be in heaven. I could eat them 'til the cows come home! So, trying to save a little each week, and not splurge too much, keeping that trip away in mind.

Amazing

Am starting to get fitter

because my karate demands it. They don't make the demand of me, I am making the demand of myself. Which is a good thing, obviously... hard though! Over 40, over weight, and over here ;) ah well. I didn't get here overnight, so I know I'm not going to shift the lard that way either.

We all want a magic pill or wand or cure or something that just magics away that lard. A lot of effort went into making it, so I know there'll have to be a lot of effort to remove it. I'm not talking about losing it; that's a misnomer. Remove. Get to a healthier place. Eating is my last bastion, the last place I make a stand about being bad to myself. Us self-abusers just can't get enough of a bad thing. And all that.

I've downloaded some business plan samples, to look at starting a business. Got an idea, someone to do it with, and I have the skills. Let's see what comes of it.

Amazing

Later, post-training

It's odd how I feel - I seem to have these patches of 'ok', then I'm flat as a pancake. I mean flat. Go back to bed flat. Do nothing flat. Re-read the books in my bookshelf flat. The books I've read many, many times. A paradox, my friend calls me.

I make preserves, jams, syrups (lemonade syrup, it's divine - star anise and ginger), most of our breads and biscuits (though I *do* cheat when yum ones are on special), sauces and food from scratch. So. I also take myself to bed on the days that I just know I'm going to give some idiot a right ding around the ear. Though, to be fair, the times I feel like that are diminishing, the more I practise my karate.

Amazing